Shadows and Lights
by Himizu1
Summary: Written by my sister and I late at night (so half of the humor won't be funny unless you're half asleep). An interview with various villians throughout anime.


Shadows and Lights: Villains After Hours  
  
Tenki: Hello! I'm Tenki! And welcome to the special on the villains of anime.  
  
Himizu: (stands there waiting)  
  
Tenki: (whispers loudly) Read the cue card!  
  
Himizu: Oh.Right! And I'm Himizu!  
  
Tenki: Maybe this time we'll get done with the interview!  
  
Himizu: Don't raise their hopes like that!  
  
Tenki: Or maybe not!  
  
Himizu: Shouldn't we start?  
  
Tenki: Yea! First, let's meet our camera man, Treize Kushrenada!  
  
Treize: (glares)  
  
Himizu: Anyways! Let's get to our first vict-interviewee, the Digimon Kaizer!  
  
Kaizer: Ken, please.  
  
Tenki: So, what's it like being in control of all those digimon and getting to use the whip?  
  
Kaizer: I don't do that anymore.  
  
Himizu: So why are you here?  
  
Kaizer: You're the one who invited me.  
  
Himizu: Did I?  
  
Ken: Yes, you did.  
  
Himizu: Oh. Ok, bye.  
  
Tenki: Well.Here's my old.friend! Brad!  
  
Brad: Friend.or FRIEND?  
  
Tenki: Sh! They don't know about that!  
  
Himizu: Yes we do.  
  
Tenki: So, how are things going for you?  
  
Brad: You know, same old. Horny as Hell. Pun intended.  
  
Tenki: Hah!.Who's Hell?  
  
Himizu: (sweatdrops)  
  
silence for about 5 minutes  
  
Tenki: (looks around) On to our next guest!  
  
Himizu: Oh look! It's.DUN DUN DUN.MIKAGI!!  
  
Mikagi: Where's my man?  
  
Himizu: Do you take substitutions?  
  
Mikagi: I said where's my MAN?  
  
Himizu: Oh? Damn. You're no fun.  
  
Mikagi: You'd be surprised how much fun male on male relationships are.  
  
Himizu: When you say "Man on man", is that literal or figurative?  
  
Mikagi: How do you think it sounds?  
  
Tenki: I think it sounds kinky!  
  
Himizu: I think you should shut your face!  
  
Tenki: (whispering) Sh.It's THAT time of the month!  
  
Himizu: Shut the *radio edit* up!  
  
Tenki: Oh, it really is? Sorry!  
  
Mikagi: (walks off)  
  
Himizu: Oh, great! Now who do I interview?  
  
Farf: I've got cookies!  
  
Tenki: Farfie!  
  
Himizu: He's gay.  
  
Tenki: No way! I couldn't tell! Okay, you can go now. Oh, and leave the cookies.  
  
Farf: Okey dokey! (leaves)  
  
Tenki: Ashitare, comeone down! Himizu: That's the wrong show.  
  
Tenki: Dang it!  
  
Ashitare: (incoherent Chubaca sounds)  
  
Tenki: Oh my gosh! He WHAT?  
  
Ashitare: (more incoherent Chubaca sounds)  
  
Tenki: Are you guys getting this?! This is fascinating!  
  
Himizu: Uhh.Can I get this subbed? The dubbings a little bad.  
  
Treize: (moves hands in unknown motions and moves mouth with no sounds coming out)  
  
Himizu: Anyway, let's move on. If it isn't our old friend.(whispers) What's his name?  
  
Tenki: Sesshou-Maru.  
  
Himizu: Ah yes! Sessy!  
  
Ses: I'm gay.  
  
Himizu: Who the Hell isn't gay now?  
  
Tenki: I'm not!  
  
Himizu: (sweatdrops) At this rate, this'll be our shortest interview ever. NEXT!  
  
Tenki: Seventeen!  
  
17: (with lisp) It'th Thuper Theventeen. Get it thtraight!  
  
Himizu: Heheh.Straight.  
  
Tenki: Please tell me you just had a tooth pulled.  
  
Himizu: I think he's gay.  
  
Tenki: No!  
  
17: Yeth! (grabs Sessy's hand)  
  
Tenki: NEXT!!  
  
Himizu: And now for a change, a girl!  
  
Audience: Ooooh! Ahhhh!  
  
Kodachi: Ohohohohoho!  
  
Tenki: Santa Clause!  
  
Kodachi: No.but you can sit on my lap!  
  
Tenki: Uhh.No.But will you still give me presents?  
  
Kodachi: No.  
  
Tenki: Damn it!  
  
Himizu: For Christ's sake! Even the girls a homo!  
  
Kodachi: I prefer to call it open-minded.  
  
Tenki: Now, for a masculine man, probably the only straight one here, Lord Sacher!  
  
Sacher: (behind camera with Treize, hand down his pants)  
  
Himizu: God damn it! If I don't get laid, I'm gonna be pissed!  
  
Tenki: I got laid last time!  
  
Brad: Who didn't?  
  
Himizu: (sighs) Here's Valgarv.  
  
Val: Hey there! How you doin?  
  
Himizu: Pretty shitty.  
  
Val: What happened to the censoring?  
  
Himizu: Shit! That damned Treize! He IS getting paid for this!  
  
Val: I think you're tense. (steps closer) You should calm down.  
  
Himizu: (gets hint) Could you help?  
  
Val: (puts arm around her) Follow me.  
  
Tenki: (looks around) Hello.?  
  
Akio: (comes in car)  
  
Tenki: (drools)  
  
Akio: Do you need a napkin?  
  
Tenki: Uh.Nice car. (wipes drool away) Umm.You must be one of the people I'm supposed to interview. And you must be Akio.right? And I.I'm.T-t- t.What's my name again? Akio: The card says it's Tenki.  
  
sounds from another room  
  
Himizu: Oh my God! It's huge!  
  
Tenki: Damn it! She's getting laid!  
  
Akio: (looks around to where sound is coming from and sweatdrops)  
  
Tenki: So.  
  
Akio: Yea.  
  
Tenki and Akio: (start making out furiously on Akio's car)  
  
camera falls all Blair Witch like and screen goes blank *** **** *** unknown amount of time later  
  
Himizu: (hair messed up, blushing) And we're back!  
  
Tenki: (shirt backwards) Heheh.  
  
Himizu: Hey, wait a minute. Weren't we supposed to go to FY?  
  
Tenki: Next time!  
  
Val: Hello Himizu.  
  
Himizu: Heheh.  
  
Tenki: Heheh.(looks at dent in car hood and blushes)  
  
Val: Oh, that had to hurt.  
  
Tenki: It did.  
  
5 more minutes of silence  
  
Himizu: So.  
  
Val: Wanna have sex again?  
  
Tenki: I will!  
  
Akio: What about ME?  
  
Val: What ABOUT you? Akio: What about your mom?  
  
Tenki and Himizu: Oooooh!  
  
Val: What about her?  
  
Tenki and Himizu: Ahhh!  
  
Akio: She's fat! Val: Oh yea! How would you know?  
  
Akio: I laid her last night!  
  
Himizu: Ew.  
  
Tenki: Was she in dragon form?  
  
Akio: Yes! Yes she was!  
  
Val: You DIDN'T!. Wait! She's dead!  
  
Akio: I know!  
  
Tenki: Cool!  
  
Akio: You have no idea.  
  
music slowly starts in background  
  
Big group: We're goin to the Y-M-C-A!  
  
Farf: (clapping) I love this song! Oh! I've still got cookies!  
  
Tenki and Himizu: (sweatdrop)  
  
Himizu: Umm.Let's sign off before this gets any stranger.  
  
Tenki: .Yea.  
  
17: Oh, but the fun wath jutht getting thtarted!  
  
Himizu: (angrily) BYE 17.  
  
Tenki: Stay tuned for updates.  
  
*** 17 was brutally murdered by a crazed fangirl that found out he was gay and didn't love her. *** Mikagi still hasn't found his man. *** Ken returned to being the Kaizer, but claims it was only because of the whip. *** Treize still hasn't spoken. He and Sacher broke up soon after the show. *** Sessy committed suicide by overdosing on Pixy Stix after his lover, 17, was murdered. *** Kodachi still keeps in touch with Tenki for undisclosed reasons. *** Akio and Valgarv got together after the show. We're still not sure if we turned them gay. *** Ashitare is happily married to Soi. They are on their 10th kid, and have 1 boy and 9 girls. They are all very, VERY ugly. *** Brad and Farfie are still following us for unknown reasons. *** **** ***  
  
Tenki: (twitches) I wish I knew why. Now, we have a poem in closing.  
  
Himizu: Ahem: We were here, but now we're gone.  
  
Tenki: We left this here, to turn you on.  
  
Himizu: Those who knew us, knew us well.  
  
Tenki: Those who didn't, can go to Hell!  
  
Tenki and Himizu: Bye! Join in next time! 


End file.
